I used to think that while I’m waiting for God to show up, I could just laugh off all the things that hurt me. It seemed to work for everyone else, so why wouldn’t it work for me? If I was going to be in any sort of chain or shackle, I’d at least make it look pretty. What? You called me ugly? Aw shucks, that’s just dandy! Those kids called me stupid in fifth grade? Well, just give it a good ‘ole chuckle, and it’ll all be fine!
Live in bondage fashionably! Let’s get some bling on these chains!
See, none of this feels right. It all feels fake. I can’t be fake, so I can’t do this. It’s easy to put up a facade and pretend you’re happy about everything. Have you ever heard that song “inright, outright, upright, downright happy all the time?” It’s false. Nobody on the planet can be happy all the time, and if they say they are, they’re lying.
In a society where everyone is supposed to shove everything away, choke back all the tears, and live life with plastered smiles on our faces, admitting that we’re not okay feels like something to be ashamed of. I went through my depressed time trying to make sure no one was aware of how dark I really was. Instead of trying to deal with the fact that I wasn’t okay, I tried to decorate it.
It’s like being sweaty and gross, and spritzing perfume all over your body instead of taking a shower. It’s just not right. Underneath, the nastiness is still there. Do you get home from a sports practice, clothing drenched with sweat, and tell everyone that you’re really not drenched with sweat? No. You admit that you’re gross, and then clean up so you’re not gross anymore.
Unfortunately, it’s not always that easy with emotional stuff. Nobody can just “make themselves okay again.” I’ve tried so many times on my own strength to “just be okay again” and it only made me more frustrated that it wasn’t working. Just like if we tried to take a shower in, I don’t know, coffee and whipped cream. It’s getting you wet, so it must do the job of cleaning you off, right? Wrong. We need water–Jesus water–to make us okay again. Until then, we need to bring down our facades. If you’re not okay, don’t try to hide it. Don’t try to be “inright, outright, upright, downright happy all the time.” Just be you. Come as you are.
Come as you are to the showers of Jesus water!