I just want more chips.

Yesterday’s post was a beautiful story of an autumn leaf. Today, I’m afraid, will not be as inspiring or poetic.

What am I honestly doing with my life? Nothing I do really has any direction. I go to school, do all my crap, then come home and do more crap. What are my goals in life? Get into college, publish a book, start a family eventually? That’s about it. So what’s the point? Obviously, I have to do well academically to get into college. Other than that, though, I’m pretty aimless. I guess someone who’s fourteen isn’t supposed to really have direction, but I like knowing what’s next. I like knowing that what I do has purpose and meaning. Have I done anything extremely marvelous with my life? What am I doing? 

Breaking news! Fourteen-year-old girl eats bag of chips and puts away laundry!

Let’s look at just this evening. I walked home from school and immediately changed into pajamas. I gorged myself on all things salty, sugary, and unhealthy. I came online and zoned out somewhere between the “what does the fox say” video and a funny British YouTuber talking about procrastination. I ate dinner and more snacks (PMS, okay). Then I checked on homework and got back online again.

Wow. There are people starving, being killed, abandoned, betrayed… and what am I doing? Eating a Pop-Tart. I could be doing anything, but I’m sitting in front of a computer doing absolutely nothing. I need to do something with my life, give it some direction. I don’t want to float around looking for the next thing to happen. 

Everyone is talking about what’s next. Me? I just want more chips.

Chips, and some opportunities.





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