My life has been an ongoing movie since I was four years old. I know exactly how it started–I was sitting in the car on the way home from church, and I decided that hey, my life would make a pretty fab movie. Well, not in those words, but the same concept. For the longest time, I just imagined it as live streaming, separated into chapters. The chapters were not just a yearly thing–I divided them based on how I was feeling. For instance, a happy day at a birthday party would have been the cheerful end of one chapter. As I grew older, however, I stopped liking the idea of live streaming. Way too creepy. So I started making and editing the movies in my mind–making them black and white, slow motion, etc. My imagination expanded beyond just movies and into autobiographical-memoir-book-things, speeches, and even…blogs!
This is going to sound really, really silly, but I think even when horrible things were happening to me (cough cough seventh grade), in the very back of my mind was this little thing–voice? sense? I don’t know–that said “one day you’re going to blog about this, and it’s going to be amazing.” Has anyone else had this before?
The fact that my life has always been a big movie has caused me to be, well, maybe a little melodramatic at times. This was a lot more prevalent in my younger years (say, twelve and younger), but never ceases to show its face from time to time even now. Of course, all that melodrama was from my heart–it’s not like I ever made up stuff. I think it’s just something that’s in my personality. I’m pretty good at articulating what I’m feeling–I think, that is. If you ask me what I’m feeling, I’ll almost always be able to tell you in a pretty well-worded way. It’s never been hard for me. So, sometimes I word things a little too well, and it comes out like melodrama. So maybe it’s not actually melodrama all the time, it’s just me being able to express my emotions well.
The movie thing has really faded in the past few years, though. It’s really turned into speeches in my head. For the past two years or so, I’ve imagined myself giving these speeches to large crowds saying, “Hey, my life was total bullshit. [insert examples of bullshit] But things got better! [insert hopeful examples] [insert hopeful, inspirational message]” Which is weird, because public speaking is NOT my thing. One day, however, I will give a big talk. I will. I know it.