Just after I wrote my most last post (Taking Control), I was filled with a sort of zany motivation. Sometimes that happens to me, usually after I’ve just interacted with people. I wanted to do something completely wild, to shake it up a little. More specifically, I wanted to act out my feelings of confidence. I decided to go for a run.
Going for a run doesn’t seem very zany. Well, that’s because it isn’t. Usually when I go running, I put my hair up and change into workout clothes. This time, I didn’t. I put on a knight costume I got back when I was ten or so. I put on that knight costume, grabbed my foam sword and shield, and just ran. I didn’t bother with my hair. I was still wearing jeans and a hoodie under the costume, but that didn’t matter. It was just me and my thoughts, me and my motivation.
See, this is the explanation behind my new blog name, Dauntlessly Cautious. Ask my closest friends, and they will be able to tell you that I’m incredibly spontaneous and, well, crazy. I’ve been known to get sudden urges to eat dandelions or join the cross country team, despite how god-awful I am at running. I often speak before I think, which results in me blurting out the weirdest things. Yet, at the same time, I can easily sink into contemplation and become so deep in imagination that I completely lose touch with my surroundings. I can second-guess myself so much I work my thoughts into a tight knot. It’s like I have a switch that flips between silly dolphin and reflective bluebird at random. I’m unpredictable. These two extremes create a sort of civil war within me. I get an exhilarating buzz from the contradiction. It makes me feel so alive.
Back to my knight running. (It’s funny because it’s night time. So it’s night knight running.) A few people saw me, and I think they thought I’d cracked, but I really didn’t care. “Nobody can stop me. I have a freaking sword,” I said aloud. I swear, I never want to grow up. Internally, that is. I’ll be the strange neighbor who skips around the block wearing a hula skirt and a broomstick, and I’m not going to care.
One of my great fears is being known as shallow. I am anything but. Even when I’m in my spontaneous mood, I still have my introspective side running in the background. It’s like the two sides thumb wrestle, and they each have equal strength. I can be shoveling salsa in my mouth while dancing the Chicken Dance one minute, and be wrapped in questions about the complexity of life the next. I can be waiting in my metaphorical tower, sighing over the thought of a handsome prince in shining armor, and be pulling on my own armor to go on an adventure the next.
Right now, I’m my own knight in shining armor. Literally.