I’ve been collecting a bunch of quotes from my old writings just for fun. Reading some of those writings is a bit demoralizing for me. I wrote better back then than I do now, probably because I spent more time writing. In fact, I spent a lot more time doing other things, too–like reading. The thing is, I’ve lost focus. Getting through two pages of a book is a real struggle for me right now, and I’m trying to find out why. Reading used to be a huge part of my identity, as was writing. What do I do now? Admittedly, I spend a lot of time online. More than a lot. Maybe that’s why I’ve lost focus–everything on the internet is instant. Google a photo, and it’s right there for you. When you read, that picture comes from within and is built upon. Constant internet access, I feel like, can destroy that ability. No, it’s not like I’ve lost my imagination. Far from it! It’s just a bit hard to apply it these days.
A lack of reading sort of leads to a lack of writing for me, and vice versa. My writing has suffered because I just don’t write that much anymore. Why don’t I write? Because I’m on the internet. I’m always on the internet, and I think it’s having very adverse effects on me. No, I don’t think. I know. Sometimes I feel like it’s a trap. I think what really entices me the most is music. I’ve discovered some incredible songs, and they literally draw me to the computer. Sometimes I’m online just to listen to them, and I start doing something else just for the fun of it. Then that “something else” becomes another distraction, and pretty soon it’s just one tangled web! (I just noticed that I used “web” when talking about the internet. Ha.)
I also use the internet, specifically Twitter, to post the poetry I do come up with, though most of it is written really quickly right on my phone. Those tweets may be the only the only things keeping me in the writing world at all. So of course I don’t want to give that up! The problem with that, though, is that it can go out of control. I’m there on Twitter to read others’ poetry and write my own, but guess what? Twitter is on my phone. I end up doing something else or getting too much of a good thing.
So, what now? I desperately want to regain that focus, that love for the art of words, but I feel like the internet is keeping me from the things I really enjoy. I want to be writing, not taking random Buzzfeed quizzes or playing virtual hamburger flipping games! I need to find this motivation from within. If somebody else tries to force me off the computer, I’ll just get bitter. This is discipline. I’m almost sixteen, and I need to learn it myself. But I can take advice! Please, how can I start writing and reading again? How do I resist the urge to go online and listen to that glorious music? I want to get back into what I love doing. I was made for words. I know it. This is my resolution, I guess. I need to find that zeal again.
Sometimes I wish the internet had never been invented.