Losing Words

I’ve been collecting a bunch of quotes from my old writings just for fun. Reading some of those writings is a bit demoralizing for me. I wrote better back then than I do now, probably because I spent more time writing. In fact, I spent a lot more time doing other things, too–like reading. The thing is, I’ve lost focus. Getting through two pages of a book is a real struggle for me right now, and I’m trying to find out why. Reading used to be a huge part of my identity, as was writing. What do I do now? Admittedly, I spend a lot of time online. More than a lot. Maybe that’s why I’ve lost focus–everything on the internet is instant. Google a photo, and it’s right there for you. When you read, that picture comes from within and is built upon. Constant internet access, I feel like, can destroy that ability. No, it’s not like I’ve lost my imagination. Far from it! It’s just a bit hard to apply it these days.

A lack of reading sort of leads to a lack of writing for me, and vice versa. My writing has suffered because I just don’t write that much anymore. Why don’t I write? Because I’m on the internet. I’m always on the internet, and I think it’s having very adverse effects on me. No, I don’t think. I know. Sometimes I feel like it’s a trap. I think what really entices me the most is music. I’ve discovered some incredible songs, and they literally draw me to the computer. Sometimes I’m online just to listen to them, and I start doing something else just for the fun of it. Then that “something else” becomes another distraction, and pretty soon it’s just one tangled web! (I just noticed that I used “web” when talking about the internet. Ha.)

I also use the internet, specifically Twitter, to post the poetry I do come up with, though most of it is written really quickly right on my phone. Those tweets may be the only the only things keeping me in the writing world at all. So of course I don’t want to give that up! The problem with that, though, is that it can go out of control. I’m there on Twitter to read others’ poetry and write my own, but guess what? Twitter is on my phone. I end up doing something else or getting too much of a good thing.

So, what now? I desperately want to regain that focus, that love for the art of words, but I feel like the internet is keeping me from the things I really enjoy. I want to be writing, not taking random Buzzfeed quizzes or playing virtual hamburger flipping games! I need to find this motivation from within. If somebody else tries to force me off the computer, I’ll just get bitter. This is discipline. I’m almost sixteen, and I need to learn it myself. But I can take advice! Please, how can I start writing and reading again? How do I resist the urge to go online and listen to that glorious music? I want to get back into what I love doing. I was made for words. I know it. This is my resolution, I guess. I need to find that zeal again.

Sometimes I wish the internet had never been invented.

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2 thoughts on “Losing Words

  1. I totally get that! I often open my computer to get music and end up spending lots of time on it because of that.
    I don’t know if any of this will help, but I thought I’d throw it out there and see. These have helped me get back into reading and spend some time off-line. 🙂
    I bought a used Kindle Keyboard for really inexpensive, downloaded a bunch of free books on it from Arthur Conan Doyle, P. G. Wodehouse, and any other classics available for free. I don’t endorse Kindles as a general rule. I do like the Kindle though because I can transport it and have many stories as I go and not worry about hurting my books. So, if I don’t set aside any time for reading, while I’m taking public transport, or something where I’m not driving, I can read real quick because the Kindle saves my spot 🙂
    I also put a couple books I’m trying to read and my Kindle right by my head at bed, and if I have just a few non-sleepy moments, I can read a few pages.
    Audio books can also help me want to start reading again. A friend of mine had a Chronicles of Narnia loaded into her CD player in the car, and when the car started, so would the book. And when BT loaned me an audio book, I put it all into iTunes, and while I was just cleaning or something, I would put on the audio book, and I really liked that.
    Finding a new author that I really liked helped, too. I found that I love P.G. Wodehouse’s writing style, and his writing isn’t basic, but it is simple and fun almost right from the outset.
    To help me not have to have internet for music, I got some CD’s of the music I wanted to listen to, so I wouldn’t have to go online. Also, I find if I have the music on iTunes, and not online, I can turn it off easier, or not be so tethered to the internet (I don’t know why!). And if I can hook up my computer to better speakers, I don’t have to be so close to hear it… (maybe that is just me. 🙂 )
    I also put a little bit of music on my Kindle Keyboard, and if I really want to listen to music, I can still do that, too, while reading.
    I also started “writing” a couple books on my computer, so if my internet isn’t working, but I’m really not wanting to leave my computer or something, I’ll open the book, see where I left off, and write down new ideas at that point.
    Yesterday, before I got on my computer, I jotted down a couple things that I wanted to do that day, because I always end up forgetting when I’m on my computer… and I was really surprised how much that helped me not lose track of time.
    This is such a long comment – I’m really sorry! I hope this isn’t overstepping!! 😦
    I know how it feels, and right now I’m really trying to get myself off of using my computer for so long, too (it’s really hard)… So I hope something gives you an idea, or helps somehow. 😀

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