Falling Apart

Everything is falling apart.

2014 was god-awful. Seriously, it was the worst year I’ve ever had. God help me–I mean, myself help me–if I ever have to live through another like it. You’d like there would be some sort of mitigation, but no.

Yesterday evening, I experienced yet another loss in my life. My sister’s sweet little bunny, Luna, passed away during surgery. She was getting spayed. Do you know how rare the mortality rate with spaying is? Do you know? The mortality rate is no more than 1 percent. But it happened to her. It happened to us.
I have been feeling so, so alone in life. Alone and without any direction. And…Luna was my friend. She let me hug and pet her and never complained. Every time I walked by, she’d come running up to greet me. I miss her. I miss her so terribly.

I do not know why this happened. I don’t understand. Of all families in the world, it happened to us. Why? I am so fucking sick of “it’s all for a reason!” I can’t take it. I just can’t take it anymore. This is just one more heavy burden on a long list. I’m not being melodramatic, so shut up if you were even going to go there. I’m hurting. I feel like everyone and everything I love is on the line. What will be taken from me next?

I’m afraid.

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