Everybody likes me–most everyone, that is. I’m nice to people. I’ll smile when I make eye contact, hold the door, apologize if I accidentally step on the backs of shoes or interrupt. I’m passionate. I’m always trying to find ways to inspire people, brighten their day, and make them feel better. I’m funny. I’m unique. Yes, people really like me, and they say so.
I’m everybody’s pal, but nobody’s best friend.
Doesn’t everyone have a “person?” When you hear best friend, that one person appears in your mind, don’t they? The texting buddy. The one who calls you and the one you call when days are rough. The one with whom you share a whole lot more than just your time. Countless inside jokes, fun memories. Going out shopping, taking selfies, trying out new restaurants, inviting each other over to watch stupid movies and make prank calls. Your best friend.
Maybe I’m lonelier because most people have already got that person. I’m just the cool girl at school. Just the funny one you’d laugh with in class, the nice one you’d smile at in the hallways. But I’d be a good best friend–not before, but now I think I could. I care so much, even about those I don’t even know that well. Call me in tears, and I’ll stay on the line until it’s one in the morning. Need a pick-me-up, and I’m there with some ice cream and hugs. I care, god damn it, I care so much. I wish they could know that. I try and try to cultivate relationships, but there’s another best friend for her/him. I make an effort, but there’s some unspoken roadblock. Am I the only one who just doesn’t know what that is? Is it something obvious I’m just absently passing my focus over? Because there’s always this little room of loneliness in me. It’s empty, door ajar. Yes, all they’d have to do is knock softly, and I’d answer. But, I don’t know. I guess some doors are more for looking at. Some friends are more for small talk.
I’m just the cool girl.