I started running in November of 2014. I’d wanted to start months earlier, but it never ended up happening. When I actually went out and ran, I felt really accomplished. The first few runs sucked. All I wanted to do was cuddle up with a good book and a cup of hot cocoa. Once I got to run five or six, however, something started to change. I actually looked forward to it. It cleared my head, lifted my spirits, and made me feel downright awesome. Gradually, I worked up to running for longer periods of time. At my peak, I would run for half an hour at a time, three or four days a week. For a notoriously unathletic loser like me, it was a lot.
I’m not really sure where that motivation went. The weather started warming up, and I had no desire to get out and sweat. So I started slacking a little. When I started working for my church’s summer activities, I had less time, also having to focus my energy into more mental activities. The more I skipped, the less I felt I had to do it.
At this point, I’m lucky if I go out once a week. I just don’t have the motivation. And I don’t mean that in a depressed way; I just spend an inordinate amount of time reading or blogging. My passions are directed elsewhere at the moment. The thing is, though, it’s imperative that I start running again by the fall and winter. I attribute last year’s stable mood to exercise. It saved my life, and I might even place it on the same level as taking my medication. It’s high time that I restart this. Once I’ve gone out five or six times–regularly–then I’ll love it again. I’m almost positive of that. Maybe I’m just deflated by my lack of ability. I’ve detrained a whole lot; I definitely couldn’t run for half an hour now. So I’ve decided to start my training plan all over again. But it’s embarrassing to have to walk during runs now. I don’t want to be seen doing so.
But the hardest part is just getting off my lazy ass and doing it, I guess. Dreaming big helped me last time–I planned to run a 5K. I’m shooting for an eventual 10K now. My imagination will hopefully be of great help to me.