Since I made the decision to become a writer, I’ve accomplished absolutely nothing with the help of these six easy (and completely inevitable) steps. Hopefully they can be as useless to you as they are to me.
- Lay in bed at night dreaming about your novel. Breathe your story and live as your characters. Fill every spare minute with daydreams. Become so excited to write that you’ll convince yourself that life is complete with nothing other than your brain, your laptop (or notebook), and maybe a hot cup of cocoa.
- Start writing. Anywhere, and at any time. Let yourself develop a nearly unhealthy obsession with your novel. You know–skipping showers, holding in your pee as long as you can so you don’t have to step away from your writing, forgetting all your obligations–that kind of thing.
- Run out of ideas. After a few pages, realize that you only planned bits and pieces of your story. Notice all the gaping plot holes, pages of exposition that have to be written, and obvious flaws in the very core of your story.
- Become demotivated. Suddenly lose all interest in your story. Discover that the idea you once thought would captivate you for eternity was, in reality, only a short-lived cliche. Remember every other story you’ve abandoned.
- Question your validity as a writer. Why can’t you finish anything you start? Will you ever make a living? What do other authors have that you don’t? How will you be the dream writer you always wanted to be? Are you even a writer at all?