I’m angry. I’m angry, and I’m tired. I feel like my dedication is being torn apart. Things seem to crumbling down, and there’s nothing I can really do. People say that when things feel out of control, you should just pray. But can I? I’m tired of being on my knees. I’m tired of begging. Prayer feels like cop-out to me. Having to scream out to somebody else to save me feels less in-control.
All I want is for what I love to be whole and together again. I don’t want to hear that “when things fall apart, they are really just falling into place.” I don’t want to look on the bright side right now. I just want to be acknowledged and listened to. After all, not everything in life is positive. Sometimes you’ve got to recognize the unpleasant side of life.
I’m tired of politics. Some of my opinions are so strong that it gets overwhelming. I feel like I’m always having to be a social crusader, and I get so tired. But I can’t just abandon my views–I couldn’t live with myself. I’m tired of having to justify myself for who I am. I’m tired of being upset with leadership and authority. It’s overwhelming.
Maybe I’ll try praying, but I won’t be praying to ask for anything. I’ll be praying because I need to vent. No begging. Just screaming at the sky and knowing–or at least hoping–that God will understand me.
While I work this out, I would really appreciate hugs, support, and gummy worms. ❤