I Don’t Crave Admiration

I was milling about the internet earlier today, taking dumb Buzzfeed-like personality quizzes. One of the questions asked me to pick between two options. One of the options was having every single person in the world think I’m fantastic as soon as they meet me, and they continue to adore me as they get to know me. Basically, nobody could ever hate me. I’d be worshiped.

Immediately I was repulsed, for a variety of reasons. First, I crave people’s love, not their admiration. I don’t really care if people think I’m a shining star. Of course, it’s pleasant to be admired, but it fills no need in my soul. Feeling like people love me, care about me, want me around, and truly appreciate me for who I am is what I want. If I’m not fantastic at anything, so be it.

Second, there’s nothing genuine about every single person liking, or even loving me. I would hate a world where everyone was programmed to appreciate me. How would I know who truly loved me on their own accord? I would rather be alone than bombarded by constant, fake admiration. I’m not perfect, and I don’t desire to be treated as such; so I’m relieved to know that there are things that people don’t like about me. It’s assurance that I’m living in reality – that I’m real.

Lastly, the truth is that I’m not sure I even want everyone to deeply love me. No, I don’t want to be hated; that would be taking it too far. But there are only a certain amount of people in this world whom I want to love me, and they do. So I’m happy. If you like me, great. If you don’t, so be it. You’re only affirming that I don’t live in a candy-sweet reality where I can do no wrong.

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