There is no way for me to express my feelings without feeling melodramatic and whiny–or at least without feeling like others will perceive me as melodramatic and whiny (and thus not take me seriously). I try to glaze over it with humor, apathy, or anything else that would dilute the truth of the situation.
But the truth of the situation calls for expression, and that is something I can only suppress for a little while. Expression is a feisty thing, consistently fighting against logic and reason to reach the forefront of my mind. And once it does, I will make music. I will create art. I will converse. I will write.
I will write.
And expression will win.
I haven’t had too much inspiration for writing recently. Creativity ebbs and flows, and it seems that it’s ebbing right now. However, I needed to document some wonderful changes that are happening in my life right now, or at least that have been happening in the past month or so. These are some things I’ve developed:
Confidence. As many of you may know, most of my childhood was spent being rather passive and unsure of myself. That is no longer the case. I’ve truly grown to a point where I love expressing myself and my personality. Of course I don’t always know who I am (is there any eighteen-year-old who does?), but I have a pretty solid foundation of who I am.
Competence. This is especially new. I feel such a strong sense of ability. Whatever challenge that comes my way is something I can handle. I certainly don’t how to do everything, but I know that if there’s something I don’t know how to do, I can learn it. I’m intelligent and I have better reasoning skills than I previously gave myself credit for.
Resilience. I get up after I fall down. I’m not the sensitive little flower many people think I am. Sure, I’m expressive and vulnerable, but I am like silly putty. That stuff never crumbles. It’s soft and strong at the same time. Me!
Leadership. Oh boy, I actually love leadership. I love teaching, guiding, encouraging, and shining. Words can’t express how much joy being a leader brings me.
Those things weren’t always a part of me, but they are now. And that’s honestly something to be proud of.